WARNING: This post will not be about craft so if you’re here for the sewing and yarny goodness, today is not your day. 😉
I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and so, I do not want to stop having this outlet. But I think my required use for this blog is changing.
I no longer sew a lot, and that is where this blog started; recording my journey in learning to sew. Knitting and fibre craft has become my job now. A very low paying job, but a job I love none the less. And I have the podcast to discuss my projects. So it feels like double handling to do a blog post about them here as well. That’s not to say that I won’t blog about sewing or fibre craft or my shop. I still will. But I have been going through the downward slide over the last two weeks or so of deteriorating mental health. That well-worn path into the darkness. The sudden fear of crossing the threshold of my house. The random feeling of impostor syndrome when sharing something I have created, when I know that I do a good job and have no reason to feel inadequate. The feelings of being worthless when I don’t make any sales.
All these thoughts have been plaguing me for a time. I push on. Go through the daily motions. Tell everyone I’m fine. I’m not fine. I feel like I’m on a treadmill, constantly moving but never getting where I need to go. The housework falls by the wayside, even though being in an unvacuumed and cluttered environment only makes my self-worth drop even more. My creative imagination slowly dries up. What used to bring me joy is now a chore. Self-care gets left behind too.
For all these reasons and more, I find myself longing for this keyboard. This blog. A place to share and try to get my thoughts in order. I found a quote* on Facebook today: “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” And I am tough. I’ve been through this before. I’ve gotten through it before. I do not let it break me.
I will prevail.