New year, new me? 🤮

I truly hate that saying, don’t you? It’s like, “what’s so wrong with me that I need to change?”. Personally, I think I’m just fabulous the way I am. Sure, I’m physically not where I’d like to be, but I think as a person I like myself. I’m loving, compassionate, hard working, loyal. I know for many, saying you like yourself is not an easy thing to say. Nor is love of self something we’re encouraged to foster. Women especially. We aren’t good enough unless we’re a size zero with great hair and massive tits (note these are all physical attributes), and if that’s the case, count me out. I like myself the way I am.

And now I’m gonna blow part of what I just said out of the water…

Over the second half of 2019, I’ve really gotten into body positivity, or even just body neutrality. You don’t have to love your body, but just acknowledge that it’s simply the vessel that allows you to move freely in the world and be grateful for that. It doesn’t matter what it looks like, what matters is that it allows you to enjoy the many experiences available to us as humans.

I truly believe in that paragraph above, so what I’m going to say next makes me feel like a traitor or hypocrite. I want to lose weight. I’ve wanted to for what feels like my whole life. Over the last few years I’ve mostly rejected the diet mentality, and my body weight has mostly remained pretty stable. But I still remember the days when I was 45kg lighter and long for the days I could wear pretty clothes without worrying about them being too snug, or pulling in odd ways, or getting trapped in a garment that’s gotten stuck around my shoulders as I’ve tried to take it off (after trying it on and hating the way it looked). That last one really does a number on both my claustrophobia and anxiety, let me tell you. One time I nearly ripped a dress apart in a full-on panic just to get out.

And I’m going to jump feet first into a technique I’ve been flirting with on and off; alternate day fasting (ADF). I’ve been doing 16-hour fasts on and off for a couple years now and I think I’m ready to pull out the big guns. I know the weight loss will not be quick and I think I’m finally okay with that. After a lifetime of looking for the quick fix, I’m gonna take my time.

I’ve recently been into hearing people’s stories who have had success with ADF and I think it could help me too. So I’m going to try it. And I mean really try it. Not a half-arsed attempt, but a real try. I feel like I’ve finally gotten to that point in my life that it’s now or never. I’m 37 years old. And strangely enough, I’m not getting any younger. 😉 One of the the folks I’ve been watching YouTube videos of recently weighed about what I do now (a little less) and has had great success. So I’m going to work off her formula for now. Watch this space.

I think that will do for now. I’ll be back in a few days or so with my experience so far and a further description of what I’m doing. Wish me luck!

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