That itchy feeling…

Photo by Kaleb Dortono on Unsplash

Do you ever get the itchy feeling of having an eddy of ideas and inspiration swirling around inside you, and there’s million things you’d like to do, but you’re just not sure where to start? Yeah? Well, that’s me right now.

I feel I’m being pulled in a myriad of directions with my crafting and business to the point that I can’t settle on any one thing. With the addition of my new rigid heddle loom, I now have another creative outlet to add to my already overflowing collection. And even with that, being new and shiny; after spending a few hours today weaving, I’m sorta weaved out but still obsessed to the point I can’t settle to another craft. Oh boy am I in trouble. And because it’s the weekend (and I’ve made the decision not to work on weekends), I don’t want to spend time on business stuff even though I REALLY want to. I have this irrational anxiety that if I don’t work on it NOW I will forget all my ideas.

I feel paralysed. Do I stick to my no work rule or do I just go with the inspiration?

Do you ever get the itchy feeling? How do you address it? Do you have any suggestions for me? They would most certainly be welcome. xx

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Overwhelm? Or the paralysis of choice? Possibly both.

I don’t know about you but I am the type of personality to get overwhelmed quite easily. Probably because of my long history with anxiety, I figure. And something that seems to be a manifestation of it is that I’m experiencing a dip in motivation for my knitting. Perhaps it’s the long summer? Perhaps it’s the recent rearrangement of my craft room, opening up and revealing its secret stashes and the amount of yarn it really holds. I find myself in front of the TV in the evenings, which was previously my favourite time of day; being able to relax with my favourite craft, guilt-free but I have no desire. Well, maybe not no desire, however it seems the mind is willing but the body is weak. I’ve even tried to give the ol’ mojo a kickstart with some new projects and designs but it ain’t working.

And honestly, I think it comes from feeling overwhelmed at my stash. Ironic, right? Shouldn’t I be feeling inspired and excited about the potential sitting on the shelves and in the bins? Definitely. But is it the reality? Heck no!

During my recent craft room shake up, the sheer amount of yarn while not surprising, as I’m pretty on top of what I have, was a reality check. I live in a small house. I have the luxury of a craft room due to a considerate and supporting husband and our decision to not procreate. And on top of that reality check, I’ve realised I’ve spent A LOT of money on gorgeous yarns that no longer thrill me. But I don’t want to let them go. And some of the yarns have been impulse buys that had no project attached. But I loved them in the moment. Impulse control has never been my strong point.

I also have many sweater quantities of yarn in heavier weights; something I’ve realised doesn’t suit my lifestyle (a work-at-home yarn dyer) and isn’t really required in my part of the world. Heavy sweaters are only really required for going out of the home to stay outside or on the few and far between super-cold days in Adelaide winters. It’s pretty rare I wear one, usually opting for the lighter fingering weight cardigans and sweaters in my wardrobe. The heaviest I’m willing to entertain at this point is a DK weight.

Yesterday I watched my friend Michelle’s podcast, where she spoke at length about a book she’s reading, ‘The Year of Less’ by Cait Flanders (I got a Kindle version here for < $2). I started reading last night and have to say, I’m hooked and inspired. Unfortunately I’m not a single woman who has free reign over my belongings. I have to be accountable to my husband. Also, a lot of our excess possessions are his anyway, and he’s still stuck in the notion that he is his things. It’s a hard one for me as I’d happily give away all I own and start at zero and be mindful of what I bring in.

So there you go. Some mind-barf of things I’ve been thinking of late… I will likely be writing more about the book and thoughts I have about it and anything I’m able to implement into my own life. Let me know if you have any advice or suggestions on how to be more mindful in spending money and bringing things into your houses. And if you have any thoughts on how to encourage a hoarding partner to release stuff, DEFINITELY let me know. 😉

J x

A new place to share…

I know I started to write about my personal struggles here on the otherwise craft-filled blog. And I know it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want with it but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable putting it here. MyMuddlings is a space of colour and craft and my mental health struggles are certainly not colourful or craft! 😉

I have recently come to a realisation about my health issues and feel the need to explore them further and to that end, I have started a new blog here. So if you’ve found me for the exploration into my psyche, then please follow me over on the new blog as that will be where I am sharing from now on.

Thank you xx

Tuesday Morning

Wow. I’ve never had so many likes on a blog post. I don’t know how you found me, or even if you’re reading this now, but thank you. I can only imagine that you’re going through your own struggles and somehow I made you feel less alone. Well, at least I hope I did. You guys made me feel less alone.

So I did a mini-clean of my house yesterday. There is less bird seed and dog hair on the ground now. We have clean sheets and towels. The dishes were all done. A few times I wanted to give up and hibernate on the couch but I completed my mission. I feel a bit happier to look around a cleaner and more organised house.

I also managed to wash my hair. I’m a night showerer (a word), and I don’t know why but since summer my shower time has moved further and further back to being just before bed. Probably because we don’t have house-wide air conditioning and I can’t stand going to bed sweaty. I have long and thick hair so washing it right before bed is a no-go. So after my house clean, I had a Julieanne clean. My hair was quite greasy so I was very happy to have clean hair again. Now that autumn is here, I think I’ll need to move my showers back to a more manageable time. Perhaps after dinner. That would work.

I got out of the house. If only to do grocery shopping. We’re all set until after Easter. I managed to make my step goal too. It’s only 4,000 steps at this stage but I got to nearly 5,000. I was exhausted by 8pm and my restless legs kicked in. I was asleep by 10pm and slept until 6:30am. So at least I feel rested today.

So, although I’m feeling a bit worthless, I’m still accomplishing stuff. I need to post a couple of orders today and I can’t decide if I want to walk or ride. I’d love to walk Granger up there but I wouldn’t trust him to be tied up outside. Maybe I’ll ride. I still need to build up my cycling muscles more.

We have a monthly thing on tonight. I don’t know if hubs wants to go but I don’t really want to… Surprise, surprise. He’s of the opinion (along with my mum) that I need to get out more and have more human interaction. I don’t feel I need it. I enjoy my own company. Besides, trying to interact with people who aren’t close friends is an exhausting prospect. Social anxiety is balls. Oh well, if hubs goes, I’ll more than likely be taken along. Will that fill my social interaction quota for the week? Who knows.

Until next time…

Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

WARNING: This post will not be about craft so if you’re here for the sewing and yarny goodness, today is not your day. 😉

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and so, I do not want to stop having this outlet. But I think my required use for this blog is changing.

I no longer sew a lot, and that is where this blog started; recording my journey in learning to sew. Knitting and fibre craft has become my job now. A very low paying job, but a job I love none the less. And I have the podcast to discuss my projects. So it feels like double handling to do a blog post about them here as well. That’s not to say that I won’t blog about sewing or fibre craft or my shop. I still will. But I have been going through the downward slide over the last two weeks or so of deteriorating mental health. That well-worn path into the darkness. The sudden fear of crossing the threshold of my house. The random feeling of impostor syndrome when sharing something I have created, when I know that I do a good job and have no reason to feel inadequate. The feelings of being worthless when I don’t make any sales.

All these thoughts have been plaguing me for a time. I push on. Go through the daily motions. Tell everyone I’m fine. I’m not fine. I feel like I’m on a treadmill, constantly moving but never getting where I need to go. The housework falls by the wayside, even though being in an unvacuumed  and cluttered environment only makes my self-worth drop even more. My creative imagination slowly dries up. What used to bring me joy is now a chore. Self-care gets left behind too.

For all these reasons and more, I find myself longing for this keyboard. This blog. A place to share and try to get my thoughts in order. I found a quote* on Facebook today: “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” And I am tough. I’ve been through this before. I’ve gotten through it before. I do not let it break me.

I will prevail.

*Credited to Robert H. Schuller

Video Podcast Episode 24 – Sweaty

Housekeeping

Works in Progress

Spinning

MyMuddlings Sales

  • Yarns available for 15% discount in my Etsy store using code: VALENTINES15 until 28th February 2017
  • Amelia Beret pattern is available on Ravelry for 30% off using code: EXCITED until 14th February 2017

Hahndorf Shopping

While in Hahndorf today, we stopped back into a store I lusted over the other day. I wanted a couple things then, but didn’t get them. We went back today and S encouraged me to get them. The store is called Storison and if you’re ever in Hahndorf, you should definitely stop in. I could practically squeal at the pretty and cute! 🙂

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I believe they’re all by South Australian designers. At least the earrings & bird pin are.

The t-shirt was hanging up out the front of the shop and I was convinced it wouldn’t be there when I returned but there it was! Only one too. 🙂 I love the stag motif.

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The bird brooch is totally awesome. It’s a wooden (I think) cut out with vintage wallpaper. The lady at the shop said the Delilah Devine stuff is all quite unique because once all of a certain pattern is sold out, there are no more as they are all vintage bits and pieces.

The Fleeci earrings are perfect for when I chop all my hair off next week. They’ll be visible and pretty. 🙂

Another awesome tale from Storison; the lady there saw my tote bag I made (the babushka/love bird/owl one) and said the owner would likely buy them to on sell! Now, wouldn’t that be fun! 🙂