A new place to share…

I know I started to write about my personal struggles here on the otherwise craft-filled blog. And I know it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want with it but I didn’t feel entirely comfortable putting it here. MyMuddlings is a space of colour and craft and my mental health struggles are certainly not colourful or craft! 😉

I have recently come to a realisation about my health issues and feel the need to explore them further and to that end, I have started a new blog here. So if you’ve found me for the exploration into my psyche, then please follow me over on the new blog as that will be where I am sharing from now on.

Thank you xx

Tuesday Morning

Wow. I’ve never had so many likes on a blog post. I don’t know how you found me, or even if you’re reading this now, but thank you. I can only imagine that you’re going through your own struggles and somehow I made you feel less alone. Well, at least I hope I did. You guys made me feel less alone.

So I did a mini-clean of my house yesterday. There is less bird seed and dog hair on the ground now. We have clean sheets and towels. The dishes were all done. A few times I wanted to give up and hibernate on the couch but I completed my mission. I feel a bit happier to look around a cleaner and more organised house.

I also managed to wash my hair. I’m a night showerer (a word), and I don’t know why but since summer my shower time has moved further and further back to being just before bed. Probably because we don’t have house-wide air conditioning and I can’t stand going to bed sweaty. I have long and thick hair so washing it right before bed is a no-go. So after my house clean, I had a Julieanne clean. My hair was quite greasy so I was very happy to have clean hair again. Now that autumn is here, I think I’ll need to move my showers back to a more manageable time. Perhaps after dinner. That would work.

I got out of the house. If only to do grocery shopping. We’re all set until after Easter. I managed to make my step goal too. It’s only 4,000 steps at this stage but I got to nearly 5,000. I was exhausted by 8pm and my restless legs kicked in. I was asleep by 10pm and slept until 6:30am. So at least I feel rested today.

So, although I’m feeling a bit worthless, I’m still accomplishing stuff. I need to post a couple of orders today and I can’t decide if I want to walk or ride. I’d love to walk Granger up there but I wouldn’t trust him to be tied up outside. Maybe I’ll ride. I still need to build up my cycling muscles more.

We have a monthly thing on tonight. I don’t know if hubs wants to go but I don’t really want to… Surprise, surprise. He’s of the opinion (along with my mum) that I need to get out more and have more human interaction. I don’t feel I need it. I enjoy my own company. Besides, trying to interact with people who aren’t close friends is an exhausting prospect. Social anxiety is balls. Oh well, if hubs goes, I’ll more than likely be taken along. Will that fill my social interaction quota for the week? Who knows.

Until next time…

Random Thoughts on a Sunday Afternoon

WARNING: This post will not be about craft so if you’re here for the sewing and yarny goodness, today is not your day. 😉

I’ve been thinking a lot about this blog. Writing is something I really enjoy doing and so, I do not want to stop having this outlet. But I think my required use for this blog is changing.

I no longer sew a lot, and that is where this blog started; recording my journey in learning to sew. Knitting and fibre craft has become my job now. A very low paying job, but a job I love none the less. And I have the podcast to discuss my projects. So it feels like double handling to do a blog post about them here as well. That’s not to say that I won’t blog about sewing or fibre craft or my shop. I still will. But I have been going through the downward slide over the last two weeks or so of deteriorating mental health. That well-worn path into the darkness. The sudden fear of crossing the threshold of my house. The random feeling of impostor syndrome when sharing something I have created, when I know that I do a good job and have no reason to feel inadequate. The feelings of being worthless when I don’t make any sales.

All these thoughts have been plaguing me for a time. I push on. Go through the daily motions. Tell everyone I’m fine. I’m not fine. I feel like I’m on a treadmill, constantly moving but never getting where I need to go. The housework falls by the wayside, even though being in an unvacuumed  and cluttered environment only makes my self-worth drop even more. My creative imagination slowly dries up. What used to bring me joy is now a chore. Self-care gets left behind too.

For all these reasons and more, I find myself longing for this keyboard. This blog. A place to share and try to get my thoughts in order. I found a quote* on Facebook today: “Tough times never last, but tough people do.” And I am tough. I’ve been through this before. I’ve gotten through it before. I do not let it break me.

I will prevail.

*Credited to Robert H. Schuller

Video Podcast Episode 24 – Sweaty

Housekeeping

Works in Progress

Spinning

MyMuddlings Sales

  • Yarns available for 15% discount in my Etsy store using code: VALENTINES15 until 28th February 2017
  • Amelia Beret pattern is available on Ravelry for 30% off using code: EXCITED until 14th February 2017

Hahndorf Shopping

While in Hahndorf today, we stopped back into a store I lusted over the other day. I wanted a couple things then, but didn’t get them. We went back today and S encouraged me to get them. The store is called Storison and if you’re ever in Hahndorf, you should definitely stop in. I could practically squeal at the pretty and cute! 🙂

20130322-183017.jpg
I believe they’re all by South Australian designers. At least the earrings & bird pin are.

The t-shirt was hanging up out the front of the shop and I was convinced it wouldn’t be there when I returned but there it was! Only one too. 🙂 I love the stag motif.

20130322-183345.jpg
The bird brooch is totally awesome. It’s a wooden (I think) cut out with vintage wallpaper. The lady at the shop said the Delilah Devine stuff is all quite unique because once all of a certain pattern is sold out, there are no more as they are all vintage bits and pieces.

The Fleeci earrings are perfect for when I chop all my hair off next week. They’ll be visible and pretty. 🙂

Another awesome tale from Storison; the lady there saw my tote bag I made (the babushka/love bird/owl one) and said the owner would likely buy them to on sell! Now, wouldn’t that be fun! 🙂

Honeymoon Op Shopping Part Two

So, last night I decided that there were some patterns that I should have picked up yesterday. So… we trekked back today and got ’em. With interest!

I mostly wanted to go back for a lingerie pattern set and a long pinafore dress pattern. But got sooo much more! Even though I had looked through the patterns only yesterday, I found many more. They were only 50c each at this particular shop so I went mad! 🙂

These are the two I went back for:

20130322-175049.jpg
I really want to make the pinafore dress for winter. I’m thinking of maybe not sewing up the front but adding a zip so I can use it as more of an overcoat (dress?).

These were the ‘interest’ at the same store:

20130322-175154.jpg
More lingerie (I really wanna try it!) and some 70’s outfits. Not sure I’ll wear the one on the right but it’s nice to have for novelty value. The lady at the shop said she used to own the lingerie pattern and that it’s super easy to make so that’s encouraging.

I also got a couple of bits of fabric, one at the hubby’s urging. Can you guess which one? 😉

20130322-175259.jpg
I originally saw the white with blue flowers yesterday but didn’t get it as the fabric is quite an unusual type. It’s almost like a tablecloth with an open, loose weave. I don’t think I could make any clothes from it, but I could make bags or cushion cases out of it. S wanted me to grab the bright flowery one. He said I could make bags out of it. I guess he’s right. It’s some sort of a knit with a very fine fleecy back.

The other store we went to today was also one that we visited yesterday. 🙂 I saw a pattern I wanted to go back for. Earlier in the day is said to S that I wanted a cape for winter and guess what? Found a pattern. 😉

20130322-180435.jpg
I really like the version C of the capes. It’s the top live-model picture with the buttons. 🙂 The other pattern I would need to grade up as its only a size 10 so not sure if I’ll use it but again, it’s nice to have. 🙂

I also got some fabric at this shop:

20130322-180756.jpg
The apricot coloured one is a thicker, bed sheet type cotton. The other is quite soft, perhaps a voile? Will make a lovely blouse. 🙂

Oh, and I also picked up an awesome cushion. It’ll go nicely with our green couch! 🙂

20130322-181115.jpg

Honeymoon Op Shopping Part One

Today we decided to go for a drive around. We checked out a few op shops from Mt. Barker to Lobethal and mostly came up with nothing. Although, I think I may have blown all my luck on the first shop in Mt. Barker.

I looked through multiple boxes of sewing patterns and found an abundance of 80’s patterns, but not really the ‘good’ 80’s. 😉 I found a couple of 70’s patterns but nothing I would wear. Plus I’d have to grade the patterns up so not worth my effort for something I wouldn’t wear.

I did end up with a couple bits of fabric (both decent sized at 2.5m long) and a vintage Oroton handbag. Happy with that. Might make the new Colette Patterns Laurel dress with solid white flower fabric. 🙂

20130321-160213.jpg